Do you accept responsibly for your choices in life?

I belong to Spark and I get a Healthy Reflections email every day. Today's email really made me think.

"Do you feel in control of your life? No matter how negative events or actions may become, you are the only force that is able to determine the reaction. Often we fail to do this and instead blame the world for our feelings of sadness, rejection, and hopelessness. The reality is that your actions are a choice, and you must claim those feelings and choices. We can be our best cheerleader or worst enemy when it comes to determining the health of our emotions. Do some pep talks with yourself each morning. This will help you develop positive, self-affirming thoughts that will enhance your personal development and growth."

So why am I so down on myself? If I want to be in control of my life, why don't I. I allow others to take the wheel and I also yank the wheel in any direction and let it go wherever. I don't stop it from going over the edge.

I have done that to many a people. I have thrown them in the back, tied them up and yanked the wheel so hard, they crash. And I jump out before it crashes. I have done that with all of my boyfriends. CC too.

I'm still taking my meds and no I am not having a break down. I am just thinking about the way I have acted in my life and the pain I have caused others. Then I wonder how better their lives would have been without me. It just makes me wonder why I tend to ruin lives. I feel like the plague.